It struck me as odd. That which I was trying to avoid my entire life, stood in front of me in a completely different manner. Did I know that this is how it was going to materialize into view? I figured it was a defect. I assumed it was trick my eyes played on me and I believed the deception my brain created. I started laughing hysterically. Was this it? Was this what I was supposed to learn? But alas, I still don't understand the lesson. What I thought was meant for me, wasn't for me. What I thought was not for me, turned out to belong to me. So I conclude that this is a lesson in mindset.
This could be a futile attempt to justify my assessments. But I hope to create a sensible explanation.
An experience before was categorized as brutal, intolerable and avoidable. Why undergo it? It was not helplessness. Then what was it? It was a web created by one affected mind, which caught several lives. So then what is the difference between then and now? Realization dawns on me as I say a simple sentence in a general conversation. It is a fear of becoming whom I have avoided being all my life. It is a fear of putting myself in a situation that I was scared to be in all my life.
Is it under the same circumstances? The answer to that question would be no. So then how is it the same fear? The answer: recognition of mindset. But I dare to disregard it because that seems cowardly. Does acknowledgment justify everything? No, but action does. So is any other action conducted during a period considered acceptable? The answer to that particular question, I do not know. However, I have come to understand that one apparent weakness does not mean it becomes necessary to disregard the entire being.
What I have failed to grasp ten years ago, I have fully comprehended now.
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2 thoughts:
Wow...
It reminds me of this quote I came across a long time ago... It went something like this: don't be so preoccupied with being careful not to mess up that you actually mess up. Maybe if we think too much about what we don't want to become, rather than what we do want, we end up exactly as we had feared... We need to focus on what we do want to be...
What do you mean that you "But I dare to disregard it because that seems cowardly?" It's not cowardly to use all the information you have to make informed decisions, assuming they are under your control in the first place. If you're lucky enough to be at the helm, you have every right to take control and get yourself out of the ship before it sinks...
very interesting.
It would be ignorant of me to actually say i wholly understand this reflection. Though i do agree with your statement, "However, I have come to understand that one apparent weakness does not mean it becomes necessary to disregard the entire being."...even tho one may fully understand and acknowledge that statement, being able to apply it in into some situations is very hard...
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