Reflections

Severed in Half

I have been thrown in a river,
I wash away with the chaotic flow.
Beset with a heavy shield of false glory,
There, to my destination I go.

I float away with the waves,
But think not that I feel sorrow,
For I have the true hope,
That there will be no tomorrow.

Now, the wishes do not matter.
Now, there is nothing more to gain.
Now, I see the end unmistakably.
Now, I feel nothing, not even pain.

On the other side of the river,
There was the other me,
Captured and being burnt alive,
For the whole world to see.

The smoke drifted to the sky,
Becoming one with the air,
Leaving behind the gray ash,
Waste of me, from the flames snare.

Now, the wishes do not matter.
Now, there is nothing more to gain.
Now, I see the end unmistakably.
Now, I feel nothing, not even pain.

Oh, here was my heinous crime,
I have been sentenced for just this.
I renounced a numbered lie, for which,
I exchange my life of fake bliss

Give me no more chances,
Show me no false dreams,
Make no promises of better days,
Nor try to show me what it all seems.

Now, the wishes do not matter.
Now, there is nothing more to gain.
Now, I see the end unmistakably,
Now, I feel nothing, not even pain.

The past 4 years...

The breakfast/lunches/dinners at the student center: Masala grill! (tres leche! How odd that I would find a Spanish dish at an Indian place?)

The 'studying' in the reading room. More like gossiping sessions.

The avoiding of professors for our design project. Lest they tell us to make another keyboard or find another PLL for our circuit!

The sitting in the last row for lectures, doing puzzles from the college newspaper instead of paying attention.

The bus rides from campus to campus, sitting way in the back and talking really loudly!

The cramming before exams, trying to figure out what the heck gauss's law and its derivation was, with the aid of an excessive amount of frappucinos.

The naming of professors instead of respectfully calling them by their last names. *ahem* BALD EAGLE!

The nights out to unwind from BME, but ending up watching the worst movie possible and coming out more stressed than we already were.

The joint celebrations of birthdays!!! :)

The Turkish movies that our friend invited us to watch for a club and falling in love with them!

The random psychic reading that we went to after ditching our class.

The dozing off in class, not caring whether the professor was watching us or not.

The addiction to onion bagel and vegetable cream cheese, that let us push past our freshman 15.

The Im-ing and long phone conversations, instead of doing problem sets. Mastering Physics!

The senior design conference: getting dressed up 'professionally' but knowing that we would probably make fools of ourselves in front of all the professors and people from big companies because we didn't exactly know how our own circuit worked.

The frantic search for internships/jobs/graduate school admissions.

The final papers and the loads of 'paraphrasing'.

The quoting of professors: "It's a promise, not a threat"... "Matlab-o-Phobia, Math-o-Phobia"... "You must massage the equation to get the answer you want"... "Ubiquitous"... "I do not give two bits for your grade".

The final lunches/dinners where we sat reminiscing about all of the above. Knowing that the past 4 years have been nothing but fun, and we haven't learned anything that would equip us for the real world... Hence, we will be left jobless!

But if I were given another chance, I would pick no other school, no other friends, no other classes and no other memories... I would want to relive every moment all over again. Heres to BME and the four years of undergrad! :) Cheers.

A decree of three words,
happily ever after.
Fused with an ambiance,
of glee and laughter.

After all that passed,
against all who fought.
The time of forever,
appeared too short.

A step taken forward,
faltering of an expression.
A spill of feelings,
it was failed suppression.

A few more graceful strides,
closer to the destination.
What seemed to be very subtle,
was there a hint of hesitation?

A brief reflection on eternity,
sowed the seeds for a misgiving.
Cast doubts on the thoughts,
of how to continue living.

But such worries were petty,
in this fairytale land.
It was to be a beautiful journey,
traveled hand in hand.

A curse of illusions,
was blissful, nothing tragic.
Everything was unseen,
for a minute of magic.

____________________________________________________________________

"Let him know his fairy tale accurately, and have perfect joy or awe in the conception of it as if it were real; thus he will always be exercising his power of grasping realities: but a confused, careless, and discrediting tenure of the fiction will lead to as confused and careless reading of fact. Let the circumstances of both be strictly perceived, and long dwelt upon, and let the child's own mind develop fruit of thought from both. It is of the greatest importance early to secure this habit of contemplation, and therefore it is a grave error, either to multiply unnecessarily, or to illustrate with extravagant richness, the incidents presented to the imagination."

~John Ruskin~

YMOEU

Drudging through a quest,
fortunate are those very few,
who find somebody valuable,
like I have found you.

You are my secret,
my hidden treasure,
my contentment, my delight,
my enjoyment, my pleasure.

Shielding me from this world,
capturing me in a frame,
you are protecting me,
from many a cruel game.

I see my desires spring alive,
in your sparkling eyes,
which are filled with faith and
trust in me, devoid of any lies.

Your grand dreams for me,
have inspired such awe,
have shown me a new place,
which I never saw.

Behind that silent smile,
Behind that charming gaze,
I have found such a being,
that never ceases to amaze.

It is you and only you,
who fully knows me,
you who sees things,
others have failed to see.

I ceased to hope I would,
meet someone like you one day,
believing I would journey alone,
facing challenges, come what may.

I have never been so sure,
of absolutely anything in life,
except for the belief that,
you will be with me in joy and strife.

Refresh, Refresh, Refresh.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting.

View: Inbox(1)

Subject: Congratulations! You won a thousand dollars.

*DELETE*

Argh! That is NOT the right one.

Refresh, Refresh, Refresh!

View: Inbox(1)

HA! YESS! This is IT!

The excitement!

Read once. Read again. And again.

*sigh* That was beautiful!

What next, that is the question.

Pondering! Thinking! Typing!

BACKSPACE!

Ahh, technology has made things harder!

Much harder.

Choose! Pick! Yes or No?

So much tension, from an Email?

Who would've thought?

Ah, screw it. I'm done typing.

I have better things to do!

Nope, nevermind. Reply. Send.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting...

Refresh, Refresh, Refresh!

*sigh* 10 seconds later...

"Why doesn't it say Inbox(1) yet??!?!"

I got this chain message from a friend a couple of days ago and it struck a chord with me. I would like to share it with all of you.
_______________________________________________________________

I want to go back to the time,
When getting high meant on a swing,
When drinking meant apple juice,
When daddy was the only hero,
When love meant mom's hug,
When dad's shoulder was the highest place on earth,
When your worst enemies were your siblings,
When the only thing that could hurt were wounded knees,
When the only thing broken were toys,
When race issues were who ran the fastest,
When war was a simple card game,
When goodbyes meant only till tomorrow,
When life was just simple and carefree.
But what I remember the most was wanting to grow up.
And now all I want is to go back to those times.

Ramble on Nostalgia...

Sometimes, I feel like I live in the past too much. But I also tend to think of it this way: I reflect on my past trying to decipher the lessons from my experiences. But at other times, I'm doing neither of these things. I'm just thinking about it and smiling a hell of a lot. My friend called me up the other day to remind me of a specific incident that happened in tenth grade and we couldn't help but laugh over it for a good half hour. That was literally seven years ago!

What with friends getting engaged and married, siblings growing up, graduation coming close and people moving off in different directions, I've been in the nostalgic mode a lot more than usual lately. I've dug through my year books, sifted through pictures and videos and read through past diary entries. It's a very a satisfactory feeling, and I'm going to attempt to describe this feeling as best as I can, although I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to capture it fully in words.

I was sitting there on my bed with my past spread out before me. I had my eyes open, but I was dreaming. No, I wasn't dreaming. It was more of recreating an event in my mind with a glazed look on my face. Is that what dreaming is? Then yes, I guess I was dreaming, but it seemed so real! Like it happened yesterday! I could literally see the people before me and I could see myself clearly. I was six years younger, naive and oblivious to lots of things around me. I immediately reverted to an image of myself ten years younger, then four years younger, then eight years younger. But the images weren't a blur in my mind, they were really vivid. It was like I was flipping through an imaginary album in my head, despite the fact that I had actual pictures spread out before me. I wasn't sure whether I was sad or happy. Was I sad because all these things were the past, and I had nothing but the unknown future ahead of me? Or was I happy that I actually had such amazing memories to look back on?

I could taste a smell and I could see a voice. I could feel an image and I could smell a sight. Does that make sense? It did in my head. The transitions between one chapter of my life to the next chapter were coherent. It is a smoothly flowing story with people entering and leaving, but the ones that I've always loved and cared for staying no matter what.

But one thought struck me as unusual... I would think that as time goes by, situations change and with them, people change. (To reiterate the conversation I had with two of my friends...) But the one type of alteration I cherish the most is the one where neither the people nor the situation changes, but just time. The distinction between 'then' and 'now' makes all the difference. Is that even possible? But I've encountered situations where it seems possible... At least to me. And it's not like I appreciate that difference, nor do I despite it. I just find it odd...

Is it true that people don't change? Is it true that the changing of time is the same thing as changing of a circumstance? But that doesn't make sense to me... I know I've gone in circles and have ended up nowhere. And I've also lost track of my initial aim which was to describe my feelings of nostalgia and I've rambled on about time and change. I'm actually surprised you ended up reading all of this!

But in an attempt to revert back to my original goal: After flipping back and forth between images, and coming upon hindrances where I don't seem to understand the relation between time, change and people, I ended up at a blank spot in my brain. It was like a white sheet of paper, which was waiting to be splashed on with colors of more memories. And hopefully, a couple of years from now, I'll have more to write on tangents about things under the pretext of nostalgia. And maybe then, I won't end up nowhere, but somewhere. Cheers! Here's to the new people in my life, to my dreams, to my family, to my wishes, to my friends, to my goals and to life!

It haunts my mind,
Like a wandering spirit.
The mingling of harmonious voices,
Singing the lyrical words,
Woven into melodious music.
The black and white images,
Dance in front of my eyes.
I watch her shy away, lowering her gaze.
I watch him approach, with a longing.
They sing of their eternal love,
In that place, In that land.
Nothing was spoken,
But everything was understood.
Fantasy existed on the big screen,
And reality opposite it.
________________________________________________
The image on the left is from the movie "Shree 420" starring Raj Kapoor and Nargis. The song is "Pyaar Hua"... This post is dedicated to all those old songs which capture the essence of beautiful emotions perfectly. As cliched as it might sound, it is true when they say: "Old is Gold"

Reflections

Severed in Half

The past 4 years...

Enchanted

YMOEU

Inbox(1)

Remember When

Ramble on Nostalgia...

Void of Color, Filled with Emotions

Mirage

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